Appreciating Who Is There
I had a deja vu moment with my youngest daughter. I am hosting a birthday party for her and one of her closest friends called her to tell her that she and her boyfriend would not be able to attend. My daughter was very upset and she seemed to be very focused on who would not be at her party.
It reminded me of an evening, when I was a young adult, that I will never forget. I was hosting a party at my parent’s house and the evening was proceeding with many of the invited people not in attendance (yet). I was spending a lot of time looking out the window to see if people were arriving and said more than once “where is everyone?!” Finally, one of my friends who was present said “I guess we don’t count. WE are right here.”
I don’t remember why I was so focused on others’ attendance, but I made people who were there feel unimportant. I was embarrassed and it was a lesson I never forgot.
While these examples are social situations, I find myself reflecting on this lesson during professional situations as well. I offer the following for consideration:
If you are the leader of a meeting or other gathering, thank people for being there, regardless if less people attended than expected or needed. I often find myself saying “the perfect people are here.” And I mean that. The people in the room are the ones who cared enough about the topic to show up. The people there are more likely to engage in your agenda. (Hopefully you have set it up to engage others.)
If you are in charge of a training or other type of session where people were mandated to be there, I still thank them for being there. There are always ways out of mandated meetings. If I anticipate resistance, I may start the training by having everyone introduce themselves and share one thing they are looking forward to in the session - or one thing they are dreading. I don’t argue any of the negatives. I just thank each as they share for being there. (Knowing how people feel helps me to make adjustments to my plan or adjust examples used.)
I once hired three people to join me for a community focus group because over 30 people RSVPed and it was too large of a group to facilitate effectively alone in one room. I put lots of care into preparing the rest of the team and we all arrived early to set up. At the start time, there was no one there. There was just cold pizza in the back of the room. Eventually, people started to arrive, but the 30 people ended up being under 10. I sent two people home (paying them for their time, of course), kept one of my notetakers there with me, and facilitated the session reminding myself that these specific community members cared enough to be there. I focused not just on the content, but on being gracious and welcoming.
If you are a manager, it is your job to manage schedules and completion of work. Of course you need to address people who are tardy or not following the organization’s procedures on time off. But, also take time now and then to acknowledge or celebrate when you are fully staffed, when the whole team has the opportunity to work together. Point out what you are able to accomplish when you are all working together.
Part of valuing people is to acknowledge their presence and to thank them for being there. Then be sure to honor their time by being prepared and facilitating your gathering so that they have an opportunity to contribute. That is how you make sure that your thank you is more than just words.
